And why not? I, too, had been raised for it. My mother and her mother, who had worked in a factory, and her mother, who had cleaned apartments in Manhattan, had been studying these people all their lives in preparation for this moment. And I had studied them. I studied my mother as she turned out elementary schools and department store...Turning out had to do with will. I came to regard my mother's will as a force of nature, an example of and a metaphor for black power and black duty. My duty was to compete in St. Paul's classrooms. I had no option but to succeed and no doubt that I could will my success.
Jimmy understood. He knew the desperate mandate, the uncompromising demands, and the wild, perfect, greedy hope of it. If we could succeed here—earn high marks, respect, awards; learn these people, study them, be in their world but not of it—we would fulfill the prayers of our ancestors...How we got there, how we found their secret hideout, was not the point. The point was that we had been bred for it just as surely as they. The point was that we were there to turn it out. (57-59)
I had heard from one of the girls that three guys had once stolen into Sam's room and urinated into his bureau drawer. I wondered if it was true. I wondered if Cash had been one of them. (78)
What did these white people say in a hundred ways but that we were somehow different from the common run of black people out there in America? What did they say but that we were special, picked out for a special destiny? I was ashamed even to consider the possibility, but it was hard not to believe sometimes. How could I know that my special aloneness united me with my peers more surely than the wary, competitive fraternity I tried to create in my own heart? (78-79)
Tomorrow I hope we can really leap into Lorene's story. At the same time I have enjoyed and appreciated the candidness and honesty of what many of you have been saying in class the last couple days. I have appreciated hearing your stories. I'm thinking about what Agasha said today about the burden of responsibility—about having a mission, a responsibility to others, and having your own life (my summary in my words), and how hard it is to satisfy both. I'm also thinking about what Alice wrote on the last blog:
This book, this woman’s story, I know will be good for me, will teach
me, but even then, I feel guilty for making her teach me. She shouldn’t
have to educate me in empathy and understanding by sharing the most
intimate stories of her past, but she does. I feel like I’m exploiting
her. I realize she wants to share this story, but as she says, “I am
writing this book to become part of that unruly conversation, and to
bring my experience back to the community of minds that made it
possible,”, this story isn’t meant for me. I know that sounds like an
excuse for not putting myself out there to receive the messages she’s so
clearly sending, but that’s how I feel.
1. What moment or scene in Chapter 4 particularly jumped out at you, stayed with you? And why?
2. Lorene, after her meeting with the Third World Coalition, speaks to feeling alone, even among her fellow students of color. Why might that be?
3. For this third question, please pick one of the following choices to respond to:
a. Stuart said today—and Agasha and Alice chimed in, as was Moey about to (sorry about that, Moey)—that the responsibility Lorene feels, as does her pal Jimmy and no doubt many of the other black kids, to succeed and to "turn it out" is not fair; it should not be expected of them. Do you agree with this or disagree—and why?
b. Read what Alice wrote: respond to it.
c. Lorene writes in the first passage that she would fulfill her ancestors prayers by succeeding at St. Pauls and being in the privileged world of SPS but not of it. Can one be in a place like St. Paul's—or even Paideia—and be in it but not of it? How is that as a plan to succeed for Lorene and for the other black students at St. Paul's? A good one? A bad one? Is it even possible?
Okay, folks: remember to turn your paper in tomorrow if you haven't done so already. See you then.
1. I think the scene that most stayed with me after reading Chapter 4 was the meeting of the Third World Coalition. As I said in class today, the speech Mr. Price made about the importance of academic excellence stuck out to me, probably because it sounded more like a threat to me than encouragement. Mr. Price is not offering his support to the students and he is not showing his faith in them to do well (as I feel with most teachers I’ve had at Paideia). His speech has an edge to it that would frighten me if I went to St. Paul’s School. It almost seemed to me that he said the black students didn’t have a right to push for change or a community in the school unless they do well. It seemed that he was showing the standards are higher for students of color than white students. The reason I found the rest of the scene interesting was because it gave insight to other students’ thoughts on the school, do interesting power dynamics (inevitable in any high school) that occur among the students.
ReplyDelete2. I think Lorene creates alienates herself in her thoughts. I think that she forgets just how big of a change it is moving to boarding school (and such an intense one as St. Paul’s) and that she compares herself to others. She manages to convince herself that other black students, and other new students as well, aren’t struggling here, so why should she be scared at all? But I think her isolation stems from a deeper place as well, although it does have to do with her comparing herself to others still. “We don’t take care of our own. We don’t learn. We don’t apply ourselves” (79). “I was as isolated from Negroes as I was from whites […] which is what happens when a Negro begins, at bottom, to believe what white people say about him” (78). I think it is possible that Lorene is worried that she will fulfill the negative stereotypes of a black student. This makes her feel alone when she sees all the other black students excelling at their studies, at sports, at everything.
3. I would say that it is possible to be in a place (like Paideia or St. Paul’s) but not of it. I think that the lack of privilege that Jimmy and Lorene come from, especially contrasted with the immense wealth of many students who attend St. Paul’s, is a big part of their identity, a part of their pride and a part of their accomplishment. As some kids mentioned in class today, Jimmy and Lorene had to work much harder to get in to St. Paul’s than many other privileged kids who attend. And I’m sure (but I suppose I’ll find out by reading further) they had to work harder while at St. Paul’s too, not just to get in. I think this links to the types of pressure that Lorene deals with, from herself and her family as well. Not coming from privilege makes Lorene want to work harder, to achieve what her family expects of her, but also to fight against the negative ways in which she is seen as a black student. From an academic standpoint, Lorene working harder would be seen as a success. But I also think that not being of a place (this strays a bit from the privilege aspect of it) can relate to unhappiness or feeling unwelcome at a certain place. Being in a place but not of it may signify a lack of understanding between Lorene and her peers.
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ReplyDelete1. One part that jumped out at me was the scene with Lorene and Fumiko playing basketball. Lorene didn't expect Fumiko to be that good at the sport, and she says, " I felt ashamed for having thought of her as a geisha girl. I had done to her what I suspected white people did to me". It was surprising for Lorene to have that realization. It showed a lot of self awareness and reflection. I don't know if I would have realized that similarity when I was 15 (or however old Lorene is). It was amazing to see how easily anybody slips into judging others based on preconceived notions. We all pick up information that we think will help us, but sometimes we look for patterns so much that we see patterns and facts that aren't there. Recently, I realized that I had misinterpreted the character or abilities of many people in my life, so this scene resonated with me.
ReplyDelete2. I see a couple of reasons why she might feel alone. For one, she explains that it was only later that she realized other black students had shared her feeling of isolation. She explains how she perceived Cash (even though he had already graduated), and then went on to say that she didn't realized he too had felt weakness and discomfort. At this point, she may feel alone in her emotions, and feel that the others in this group cannot relate to the way she is feeling. Second, some of the people in the group seem to have come to St. Paul's to "survive", but she came there to "turn it out". She seems to feel like this group is not supporting her or expecting her to achieve that much. Third, she feels she has different goals than the members of the group. They want to throw parties but her mind is set on doing more political things. I think all of these factors combine to make Lorene feel as if the other group members aren't having the same emotions as her, even though I suspect many of them are.
3. I think that is a very difficult plan, and will cause a lot of emotional strife. In a way, I think it is kind of possible to be in St. Paul's and not of it. However, I think that St. Paul's will have a changing a affect on everyone who attends it, so if that’s how you define being 'of' something then every St. Paul's student must be 'of' the school. If the black students are in it but not of it, they are going to feel a constant discomfort and isolation. In order to separate yourself from the institution, you have to believe you're different. That kind of belief can be maintained, but I feel like it could also lead to students degrading themselves or feeling intensely isolated. The perception of those black students will change no matter how they see themselves. In their homes, they will likely be seen as 'of' St. Paul's even if that is not how they feel internally.
1. What stuck out for me was the image of Cash eating the peanut butter sandwich after waking up at 3 AM. It was an image of his two sided existence. One side of his life consisted of his bold leadership of the Third World Coalition and the other consists of a eating peanut butter sandwich in the middle of the night to give him comfort. I think that not just Cash experiences this divide in his life; Lorene is probably experiencing something similar when she talks about the loneliness she feels and that she knows all the other black kids feel. The outer actions of Cash mask his inner self that can’t find comfort.
ReplyDelete2. I think Lorene feels alone because she feels like she’s the only one who is really trying to turn St. Paul’s out. “I certainly didn’t think that there’d have to be a debate about our being political. I mean having parties is fine, but really, don’t people want to do something else?” (69) She’s frustrated with the Third World meeting because she doesn’t think they are doing enough to combat the issues that the minorities at St. Paul’s are facing. She can’t relate too much with the people in the Third World Coalition because their only goal is to survive, and she can’t relate to any of the white people at the school. Cash faces the same loneliness and he too was a person who was trying to change St. Paul’s. Even though he was greatly respected as a leader, he seemed to have faced the same situation as Lorene is facing.
3. a. I don’t think it is fair that Lorene and Jimmy are expected to turn St. Paul’s out. That is a huge burden that I don’t think should be forcibly placed on anyone and especially not 14 year olds. It is not their fault that their school is the way it is so it should in no way be their obligation to change it. If they want to take up the burden of turning St. Paul’s out then they should go for it, but if they don’t entirely feel comfortable taking up that responsibility they shouldn’t feel like they have to. I do understand why Lorene’s family has such high expectations for her because they think she has the ability to turn St. Paul’s out, but no matter what their child is like, I don’t think it is okay of them to put that pressure on her.
1. The dinner scene stuck out to me. Lorene analyses the different groups forming, and judges how close-knit they are. They form fast and start sticking that way, with people finding anyone they already knew or who had something in common. Among group after group of white kids who are so numerous that they need to be defined by clubs, teachers, or previous friendships, she finds her group: black and Hispanic students. Fumiko and some other foreign students join them, as well as some white kids who are interested to “see that they had at least as much in common with us as anyone else.” Everyone’s already putting themselves into like-minded groups. When Lorene and her friends notice a couple black kids who ignored their group in favor of “assimilating,” they “[shun] them back.” It’s such a domestic example of people wanting to find people like them, and the feeling of betrayal when it seems someone doesn’t WANT to be like you, that it jumped for me.
ReplyDelete2. Lorene wants to be powerful, but instead feels vulnerable and out of place. She came here to succeed and to “turn it out,” but the people around her don’t seem uncomfortable like she is. They laugh, they study, and they’re ready to make a difference - like Cash. She hears about him and quickly starts disliking him, no matter how much people say he accomplished, because he feels… removed. He seems so comfortable and sure of everything he does, and she can’t relate. She and her group all feel alienated from each other because they’re suffering in silence, and they are each sure that they are the only one struggling with this disconnect. During the Third World Coalition Mr. Price and the older boys assure the newer kids that they’ll need to lean on them for support, and they’d somehow “manage" to survive. Not only is Lorene upset by these suggestions, but many of the people around her are too. She repeats to herself poetry about black people who listened to the world when it told them they can’t do things, and says, “what with all the racket, how could I have hoped to listen to the longings of my peers and know they were my own? How could I have imagined the crinkling of Cash’s waxed paper in the dark?”p80. Lorene realizes that even Cash suffered the same doubts and isolation she is - everyone is, but no one will talk about it.
3. a. I don’t believe that success and reform should be expected of them - success is not an obligation. Above all I do not think that it is fair for the success of children to be relied on for social change, but it often plays an important part and we can’t ignore that. I do think that they have to take responsibility for what they do or do not accomplish. People with education and connections - that is, people with power - are not somehow innately required to do something with that power, but the fact that they are capable of getting things done and making changes gives them responsibility: inaction is a conscious choice. I think that if given the opportunity to make a difference that ignoring it is selfish. Not necessarily wrong, but selfish - especially for large-scale change, someone would need to dedicate their life to it, and most people would rather work towards their own personal goals than social reform, especially with issues as deep and as threatening as racism. I don’t think anyone is obligated to do things with their power, but I do think they have to take responsibility when they do not use it.
1. The scene where Lorene and Fumiko play basketball in the gym really struck me. As the two of them walk down the path on the way to the gym, Lorene remarks that she “felt rough in her presence, square-fingered, and loud”(66). She admits to viewing Fumiko as “a geisha girl,” someone who needed protection, and is shocked to discover Fumiko’s skill at basketball, her aggression and poise on the court. In Lorene’s words, “I had done to her what I suspected white people did to me”(67). I suppose this goes to show that even those people who have been stereotyped again and again fall victim to the same mindset of making assumptions. I think that this just shows how deeply embedded cultural stereotypes are in our society. However, I’m not necessarily equating Lorene with those white people who make assumptions about her. What distinguishes Lorene from most of those people is that she at least recognized the error in her mentality, which is the first step towards changing her prejudices.
ReplyDelete2. I can’t relate personally to this experience, but I imagine that she’s feeling caught between two worlds. She feels as though she’ll never fit in with the white students, and she keeps getting more and more isolated from her black identity. She asks, “What did these white people say in a hundred ways but that we were somehow different from the common run of black people out there in America?”(78). By telling her that over and over again that she isn’t “one of them,” so to speak, the school is separating her from her roots.
3. I absolutely don’t think it’s fair. I mean, I personally am under a lot of pressure already, even without feeling the burden of representing and furthering my race. It’s way too much for anyone, whether 14 or 40. However, it’s not really like Lorene has much of a choice in the matter, unfortunately. This is not an opt-out situation; the reality is that people will make judgements about all black people based solely off of their experiences with her, unjust though it is. So, given the fact that she can’t really escape from this burden, I think that she’s handling it very maturely and admirably. In an ideal world, we would all be able to work together to take that burden off of her and commit to not judging an entire population based on certain individuals, but that is still not the case today. All muslims are labeled terrorists, all blacks are labeled criminals, and all hispanics are labeled illegal immigrants. This list could go on, but it’s too depressing.
1. The scene that stayed with me the most would probably have to be when Lorene and Fumiko had finished playing basketball. Lorene admits that she too bought into the type of stereotypes she is there at St. Paul’s to “turn out”. “I had done to her what I suspected white people did to me” (67). She is just as guilty as the white people. I say “just as” even though one could argue that white people have been doing this to significantly more people for a significantly longer time period, because one cannot judge a person based on their entire race, and here, I’m judging Lorene based on her own thoughts, her own assumptions, and they are wrong. What makes her different, better perhaps than others faced with the error of their assumptions, is that she admits to her own faults and the discontinuity between what she believed to be the problem with white people and her semi self-victimizing attitude and her perpetuation of the very thing she is there to fight: stereotypes. I thought this was interesting because it shows how capable she is a self-evaluation, and I believe that will become increasingly important as she heads out on her journey for justice, power, and self-love.
ReplyDelete2. Lorene says “I hadn’t come to St. Paul’s to survive, I had come to turn it out, and who were they to tell me I couldn’t do it, couldn’t expect to do it, couldn’t even hope” (74). What makes her different is this belief that she can change this institution, perhaps not in the literal sense of making them accept more black students, but in the sense of intellectual equality. When she leaves this school, she wants people to know that she was just as capable, perhaps even more capable, that her white peers. She will not only “survive”, she will excel. She will change their minds. As seen here, the other students are not of entirely the same mind, but I think they all came here with her intentions, but St. Paul’s has changed them. It will change she too, but from what I can see, however she changes, she will still end up being a teacher, a trustee; she’s still going to graduate, and maybe graduating will be enough for her when the time comes, maybe that’s the change. I don’t know yet, but as of now, the difference I see between her and these other students is something I’d classify as naivety. She’s new. She does not yet understand all of what it means to be a black student in St. Paul’s, or even what it means to be a new student, a female student. She has these three rather defining characteristics, and I’m not sure that the true gravity of that has hit her yet as hard as the other students in the Third World Coalition.
3. I don’t think it’s at all fair to be burdened with all the responsibility Lorene has. She’s fourteen, a selfish child, yet the pride of her ancestors and the generations to come all ride on her making it here, or at least that’s how she feels. Actually, I take that back. It’s not just “how she feels”; it’s how it is. She is representing her race, as unfair as that is, and whether or not she ever gave consent to be this figure, that is how she is seen here at St. Paul’s. While this is not at all fair, I can’t help but wonder if she will be better for it. I know I have absolutely no ground to stand on here because I can’t relate to carrying the same burden as her, nor can I even really imagine it, but from what I can gather, there are two ways this profound pressure can take her: 1) she burns out, breaks under the weight, or 2) it pushes her to try harder and succeed more than she would have otherwise.
1. I think the moment that stayed with me was in the beginning when she was talking about how necessary it was to succeed despite being thrown into such a strange world. She says to be in St. Paul's is to "be in their world but not of it" (59) and this stuck with me because it reintroduced the idea we discussed in class about these schools and whether or not their the schools of both the students of color and the white students, or just the white students. I think it also stuck out to me that she felt so alienated and she's barely been introduced to the school as it is. She's already seeking comfort and familiarity and barely any time has passed. Earlier she says "I had no option but to succeed and no doubt that I could will my success" 58) and it made me consider how hard it must be for her to have set such high standards for herself on top of having to feel such an intense contrast between her and her peers. How alone she feels and the pressure she's feeling to do well just seems too much but how she sees it she literally has no other option other than to excel, regardless of how much of an outsider she feels.
ReplyDelete2. I think she feels this way because everyone else is at different places in the world. I think she feels a disconnect with a lot of them because of how differently they view racism. I think this is similar to the Normal Heart with Ned (I think) and how he was very sure and vocal about his views which made him angry with the rest of his peers who he thought lacked urgency. I think Lorene expected for them to all be very focused on the fact that they were oppressed and for them to be just as pressed as she was to bring an end to their trials and tribulations, yet half the meeting was dedicated to organizing a party. Their opposition was more directed towards each other than to the actual problems at hand and to the people that were oppressing them. I think she felt as if she was the only who saw what she was seeing and that nobody held the same perspective as her.
3. As I said in class, I don't think that it should be the responsibility of Lorene and the other students of color to "turn out" the school. Race was a tool created by white people to further heighten differences between humans to validate the terrorism of people of color. That being said, I don't think that people of color who are still being heavily affected by this ideology should be responsible for eradicating it, especially seeing as they're being systematically put into positions that don't allow them to receive the same opportunities that could potentially end this seemingly endless cycle.
1) The section that stood out to me most was when Fumiko asked Lorene about basketball. Lorene opens the scene with “Fumiko met me on the way to soccer,” and closes it with, “I watched her as we walked to soccer practice.” Did Fumiko choose not tomtake basketball, even considering her obvious skill in it? I was thinking it was because she might not want to deal with the pressure of being a Japanese girl good at basketball, forcing her to enjoy the sport in private with people like Lorene. The stereotypes of basketball were also interesting in how the scene played out. The black girl (and guy – jimmy doesn’t play) doesn't play basketball but the assign girl does? How unexpected. This scene also brought up again how much I appreciate this book for the honest perspectives it provides. I know from my own knowledge that basketball is big in Japan (players can get relatively million dollar contracts for basketball there), but seeing that knowledge come through the story a real character is refreshing.
ReplyDelete2) I love the the repetition on pages 78-79 of the phrase “How could I have known.” How could she? Just like her, other black students don't really put their loneliness out there. Does any lonely person do that? Being alone fosters more ideas of isolation, and the feeling just grows and grows. If she had known that other people felt that way, she surely would have felt better because she has people to relate to. She doesn't really relate to the frivolous coalition and she surely doesn't think that the white students of the school will take on the issues she sees. She's stuck in this in this world, in her mind, and no one else is in it to help her.
3) C) It's not impossible, but it is definitely very difficult. Even as you attend the school, you have constant reminders that you're different, that you are not “of it.” If she isn't reminded of this by seeing almost no one of her color, she’ll surely realize after it takes her 10 extra minutes to sort out her kinky hair, or when she notices the differences in her clothing and language, or how much more work she has to put in. And if she still hasn't realized she's not “of it” after all of that, she still has to return home to her black family and community and live in the “real world” again. It's just so hard to not see the differences in your life versus someone else's. More often than not, the contrast is the first thing we see in each other. I also think it's good to be “of it.” If they want to ale on some greater responsibility of getting this education so they can give back to the community they left, it's important for them to stay in their roots and not forget about the culture they were in. They can't lose their understanding of where they came from because you can't help what you don't comprehend. So even though I think it's difficult to “be in it but not of it,” it's for the better too be out of it in some ways.
1. The image that most stuck with me was that of Lorene running laps and being utterly unable to catch up with everyone else. While the other girls can joke around and pull each other's ponytails and such while running, Lorene has to always be battling her asthma. It's something about herself that she just can't change, but makes things immediately harder for her. It's a short and fairly simple parallel for her battle against racism, but it works.
ReplyDelete2. She tells us that at the time she had no idea that everyone else felt as isolated as she did. Lorene felt like she didn't have what it takes. She knew she felt uncomfortable and alone, and saw everyone around her, both white people and people of color, finding their way around. She feels so much pressure on her and is worried that she's the only one who doesn't know how to deal with it, because, like her, no one else is willing to admit their own vulnerability.
3a. It isn't fair. This is why there needs to be change. The current system puts too much pressure on specific groups of people too early in their life. Meanwhile, privileged groups always have a leg up. No one should have to feel like they are responsible for the legacy of their ancestors, and that they must succeed academically and otherwise or else. This pressure on Lorene and Jimmy to represent their race and make significant change is one of many ways in which this system is so flawed
1. The scene that stuck out the most was definitely when Jimmy and Lorene discussed "turning out" with each other. Up until this point the white people were making the assumptions, but here she turns around and assumes that because they are wealthy that in a sense they have lost their humanity. She feels that the white kids there must be fake and that once they meet the real world they will just crumple up and die. I feel like Lorene making an assumption here highlights an important undercurrent in the book, that even though she and her family are black they are still just as ambitious as white people. I'm definitely unsure about the effect that her ambition can have on our view of Lorene, though . It clearly takes away from her innocence, but at the same time it also adds to her humanity when we see how similar she is to everyone else. But also, does it even matter if she's ambitious? I wonder if, as a (semi) white man, I'm subconsciously uncomfortable seeing a black woman exhibit the same qualities only white men are supposed to.
ReplyDelete2. While Lorene desired to effect real change at St. Paul's, none of the other black children seem to have the same goals. They are less focused on changing St. Paul's or doing well in their classes, and really just want to survive. They discuss parties instead of political action. Furthermore, all of this discussion is in contrast to the speech Mr. Price made about academic achievement that seemed almost threat-like in nature. If the students don't do well, they'll feel the brunt of their mistakes. So not only does Lorene feel that she is facing almost insurmountable obstacles in her schooling, she doesn't feel like she has friends either. Additionally, the one role model she had, Cash, she discovers is just as vulnerable as she. All of this combines to make her feel incredibly isolated and at sea.
3. I don't think its fair that Lorene has to be burdened with such responsibility but it is mathematically necessary; if there are only 50 kids educated at St. Paul's every year and even one of those kids squanders that education, the rest of the world will feel the effects. We have the responsibility now that we have the education to do something with it. And also, I would fight back against this notion of being "forced" to do something. We get to do something. We get to help. And even if you think being a farmer is "wasting" an education, it most definitely is not. Now that educated farmer's child will have the benefits of that education, Her kids will do better because she'll have an idea about how to educate them and get through the system. So will her neighbors. Future generations will do better as the result of the knowledge she brings into the community.
To respond to Alice: What is rap? Its black experiences and the struggle of "getting out of the ghetto" commodified for suburban white male teenagers, the number one consumer of rap, so they can feel like they are powerful and hyper-masculine. So they can feel like they're also making it out of the ghetto, even when they have a nice house in a cul-de-sac. What is any movie? It's the commodification of someone's experience that you can buy for 2 hours. I'm not quite sure the point I'm making here, but I guess part of what I'm trying to say is the commodification of experience is incredibly common in society and way more widespread than just this book. I don't know if that's good or bad.
1. The scene where Lorene played basketball with Fumiko and “felt ashamed for having thought of her as a geisha girl” (67) also stuck out to me. I think that we often forget that people of color also play into stereotypes about those of other people of color. Lorene acknowledging this sheds some light on the complexity of race racial bias because it's more complicated than white people vs. people of color. I also think that her connecting her original thoughts to what “white people did to [her]” was a step that not many people take. Just by having that thought process, she is better able to correct herself in the future which is something many people won't be able to do because of their either inability or unwillingness to correct their mindset.
ReplyDelete2. I think feeling alone fosters a sense of vulnerability and that is not what Lorene wanted. I think she felt that admitting that she was having a hard time would've been the same as admitting failure because she wasn't there to just learn, she was there to be excellent and make it look easy while she was doing it. She also wanted to do it alone despite the advice that she and the other new kids were given to count on each other and help each out in order to survive. Why do they have to help each other out for any chance of success when everyone else can do it alone? So when she does feel like she needs help, she doesn't let anyone know which is understandable because no one else seemed to be feeling the same way probably for the same reasons.
3. Putting the future of a whole family let alone a whole race is unfair. Like Agasha said in class, it's no longer that person’s life; it’s that person and what their going to do with their life to further the lives of others. This is hard at any age but to have this burden thrust upon you at 14 is too soon. It's not only robbing a person of their life but also of their childhood.
The passage that stood out to me most was Lorene's reflections on Bernard Cash's true identity. During her time at school, she thinks of Cash as almost a bully character: she believes that Cash could have been one of the people that urinated on Sam's clothing (78), and she describes him as “big and mean” (74). But looking back through the perspective of time, she corrects these assumptions. In contrast to her previous descriptions, she reveals to the reader that Cash was an insecure and vulnerable man who needed PB&J sandwiches to comfort him (79). Lorene then suggests, through the racist and self deprecating statements that follow, that she created this false persona of Cash from internalized racism (79). Lorene states earlier that Cash had been “as big and as black as I suppose white people expected” (74). But it seems to me that Cash had been as big and as black, through his activism and cockiness, as she expected. So then Lorene presents an ironic situation: she believes herself and the other black kids at St. Paul's are special, but then applies her own internalized prejudices upon those very special blacks. Lorene, like Cash, suggests to the audience that she is trapped within the worlds of the exceptional and mundane, believed to be able to go far but always judged to fall short.
ReplyDeleteLorene feels alone because of the phenomenon that James Baldwin described: when a black person internalizes what white people say about him. But for Lorene's case, she has internalized two ideas: that she is exceptional, and will go far, and that she is going to fail like every other black, which is essentially the irony I described above. And because of these internalized prejudices, she constantly judges other blacks for what they are not, like Cash, and then judges herself for what she is not: exceptional and at the same time a failure. She is not exceptional, for as she described herself, either one of her friends in Philly were qualified to take her spot. But neither is she a failure, for she has managed to get into St. Paul's off of her scholarly merit. Wrapped up in her prejudices, Lorene cannot see people for who they really are, and the similarities they share with her. That is why she feels so alone.
C: Whether one can succeed or not in a world that they are in but not of depends on one's definition of succeed. If you mean accomplish great things, then yes, you can be a stranger in a foreign land, be conscious of your “strangeness,” yet still meet every standard for excellence. One example I can think of right now is Samba Diallo from Ambiguous Adventure. He is an African boy from the Senegal area who excels in his studies in Paris, but grows to hate the “foreignness” of Paris. But if you define succeed as grow positively as a person, grow one's self worth and self esteem, then no, I do not think you can be in the world but not of it. For in order to grow as a person, one needs to be conscious and part of the world that you inhabit; one needs to take ownership for the ground you stand on. I will give a real world example of this, a hypothetical one. Say an immigrant comes to the country to work, and does so only to work. They have no plans of returning home, yet they do not acquire citizenship they don't participate in local meetings, they simply sit contented in their stasis. They don't build relationships with their neighbors, they don't become invested with others; their life is completely separated, and cannot be influenced. So they do not grow or learn. So Lorene's choice to be in the world but not of it will only harm her in the long run, she will stay alienated from whites and never learn to acquire their experience.
1. The scene where Fumiko teaches Lorene how to play basketball stayed with me because it felt very genuine and comfortable, like Lorene was happy, and also showed the ironic and arbitrary qualities of stereotypes. We would, as Americans who believe firmly in stereotypes, expect the African American girl to be good at basketball and the delicate Japanese girl to be, well, not. But life is not stereotypes and Lorene nicely displays this. She appreciates Fumiko’s talent and learns a little in the process.
ReplyDelete2. Lorene is insecure, deeply insecure. She isolates herself because it feels easier to build a wall than to be vulnerable. She has not connected with the other black students so she does not know that they are feeling the same way she is. She also carries within her a deep ambition, a desire to not just change the world but to do so profoundly. The other students seem to just be living their lives, concerned with parties and school and other teenager things. Lorene carries a loftier burden in her mind.
3. I think it is completely unfair for Lorene to carry the burden of turning out, of being successful for her race. She should not—nobody should—have to carry the weight of an entire people on her shoulders. She can be good enough just being who she is, living her life as a bright, intellectually curious, kind, thoughtful young woman should be enough. But she feels this deep burden of representing her race. She feels that she must prove not just her worth but the worth of the American-American to St. Paul’s. And that burden is too lofty for any person to bear—it is the burden of a people and it is unfair that a people should have to prove themselves in the first place.